Do you have suckers for friends? Here is how to identify them?

‘We are just classmates, not friends’ – A nugget shared by one of my classmates almost 2 decades ago.

Friendship is sometimes tricky – neither can you let it go nor do you have it to call it so.

When it was said by my witty friend for the first time, we were taken aback initially and we often ridiculed him, too.

Most often, we can connect the dots from hindsight. So allow me to present my analysis on this today.

Having moved across the state and countries as part of my education and later employment, I was perceived as a narcissist. There is no smoke without fire 😊 

I have seen people who built rapport with you in minutes and get you involved in their friendship emotionally within no time. And soon, you will end up  as the victim. Mostly the reason would be monitory terms, followed by emotional abuse, leaving you to wonder “how on earth could they do this to me?” Let’s name them as costly friendships / affairs.

I’m sure many of you would have experienced such friends at least once in your life time. 

Talking of another type… Do you have people in your circle whom you know since kindergarten, or who have been residing in your locality since your childhood, or who have been your colleagues for decades and yet they feel like strangers? Help me name this type of friendship. Perhaps, this is what  my friend referred to.

There are dependent friendships. One person is always the receiver and the other always the giver. They never change their roles and both of them are happy in their respective roles. One way or other, this kind of friends have that unwritten agreement in their minds. I’m always there for him / her in the mind of giver and the receiver taken for granted that, he / she is there to rescue me. These kinds of friends are in friendship just to fulfill their sense of give and take nothing beyond that. The extended version of these kind of relations are on the basis of “Just in case of any emergency” but the bitter part is these friends never turn up during an emergency.

As the old saying goes, “A friend in need is a friend indeed!” People who have that friend or who can be that friend to somebody are blissful and most often than not are empaths. Such people have very minimal interactions in their daily lives but are always there by your side in your hour of need. 

Be aware of the costly relations / friendships or the affairs you are in, protect yourself before you became a victim. Just in case if you happened to be an attacker or planning to attack one of your friends please have some mercy on your partner 😊

Be in the group, at times quantity does matter. So show up for common events with your common friends – mostly you can say a known people rather friends.

If you or your friendship falls in category 3, be very clear of what your role is – a giver or a taker.  We all would have  played both the roles. Most importantly, remember these relations are not for emergency situations. So have your contingency plan ready. 

May God bless all those who are in true friendship. Remember to nurture it at every small opportunity and you will continue to enjoy the fruits in the long run.

Coming back to the costly relations which are costing you money, emotions and most importantly your peace of mind. For issues of money, just remember it’s money be wise before you spend / invest. After all, it’s your financial literacy.

There was a time when I was so close to a friend that I consulted and briefed him every day on everything. I overlooked everything, perhaps I was a bit empathetic to him. Of late, our conversations are ending in disagreements. I realise that I cannot justify his borrowing anymore and I have limited tolerace to his illogical opinions and more importantly his attitude of ignoring my point of view. 

It took me a long time to realize I was allowing myself to be consumed by negativity and had indulged in a complain mindset. It was only when I was helping a person deal with a similar situation, did I wake up to analyse my friendship. 

Ever since, it has been a conscious effort to bring back my peace of mind.  

Here are the steps for you to identify your negative friends and get back your mind peace.

To Identify:

  • Simple indication is your energy level and enthusiasm before and after the interaction with your friend(s)
  • How you feel when you see a call / message or any sign of his / her presence or appearance in any form near you

If your energy level is low after the interaction and you are not at all motivated to connect to them, dig deeper with some more personalized events with a magnifying glass 

Healing process

  1. Find out the common interest and positive note on which your relation had started on
  2. Analyze the life situations (personal, professional and financial) that you and your partner has gone through.
  3. Understand that, these situations had a vital role in forming & reforming the belief systems.
  4. Realize that this particular act is nothing but the result of a new belief system.
  5. Dissociate yourself with the individual and their action.

I know, it’s always easier said than done. For me it took almost 6-8 months to have peace after one such costly affair. It’s hard but definitely possible, provided you analyze in detail and have control on your emotions with respect to your analysis results.

Ask and you shall receive. In case if you can’t do it by yourself, you can always seek help from a well-wisher or a life coach.

Remember no friendship is worth your peace of mind! 

Published by Shashidhar Bairapu - NLP Practitioner and Life Coach

Introvert turned extrovert. Fun loving person and a passionate to share my knowledge. A post graduate in Environmental studies with over 15 years of professional experience combining in research, consultancy, industrial and Government sectors. A patient listener, keen observer and a solution provider. A passionate mentor and coach and he equipped himself with necessary certified training is NLP, coaching and his own life experiences in different geographical and cultural backgrounds.

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